Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
