I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
