sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
