Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize