Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
