Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
