hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
