the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
third nipple confirmed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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