don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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