That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
