She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
