i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
