Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
