No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize