Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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