there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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