My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
