You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
