after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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