Where did you get a picture of my penis
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
