I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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