It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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