went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
