I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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