Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
