I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
