I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Panties = found
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