There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
