I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
4 words: hood of his car
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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