wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
