covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
