I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize