No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
