maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
