So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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