you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
