I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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