guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
