can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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