College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need water and some morals
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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