She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
home. puking in laundry basket.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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