Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
