im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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