I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
