I love black thongs
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
