it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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