I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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