I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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