He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
