Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What a dumb baby whore.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
