I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
