What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
PANTIES FOUND
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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