My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize