Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
