Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
