even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
