he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
