My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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