no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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