Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
