I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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