so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
