She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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