Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize