I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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