Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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