He had one of those small greek statue penises
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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