Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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