just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
