Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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