it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
