I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
God, I missed his penis.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
