oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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