You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
