first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize