Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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