I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We need to get me chipped asap
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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