nut hugger
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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