No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
