I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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