Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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