Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
