I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
