What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
