Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
