It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
