He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
