reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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