Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Less talking, more tequila
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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