Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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