Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
