I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
