That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
don't judge my taste in strippers
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
