Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
