You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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