Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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