Kiss
Puke
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
