Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
