i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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