Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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