I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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