I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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