I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
