We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
