You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
